Your mind and spirit are related to your physical brain, and thus to most effectively use the power of your mind and spirit to boost your libido, it helps to know how your brain can affect your sexuality. Let's take a look at the health of your brain, and some of the important connections between your brain chemistry, your sexual health, and the intense emotions you may feel in a relationship. Everything you'll discover in the next chapter is essential for building the foundation of your general health. Just like supporting your sexuality with diet, exercise, and detoxification, supporting your brain health is also important; every feature of your great sex lifestyle is brain boosting. At the same time, improving your brain health gives you extra payback everywhere in your life. Neurons, neurotransmitters, and hormones play a key role in all of your thoughts, moods, and feelings—including your ability to feel love, sexual attraction, pleasure, and orgasm. And as your most powerful sex organ, your brain has a lot to do with everything you think about when it comes to sex.
Sex, in turn, affects your brain by releasing important brain chemicals oxytocin and endorphins, which can improve your mood and increase your tolerance for pain. And research shows that when you have an orgasm, the area of your brain that controls fear and anxiety temporarily disengages, potentially benefiting your nervous system.
The sex-related brain chemicals released into your body can vary depending on what stage of sex you're in. When you first fall in love and during the early stages of a romance, you're more likely to be bathed by the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone (this is true for both women and men) and the neurotransmitters adrenalin, serotonin, and dopamine. The increased adrenalin can increase your heart rate and make you sweat when you think about your new love. The increase in serotonin may explain, in part, your preoccupation with thinking about him or her; research shows that the serotonin levels of new sexual partners can be similar to those of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. And increased dopamine can provoke strong sensations of pleasure that have effects on your brain similar to cocaine (but without harming your body), giving you a surge of energy, reducing your need for food and sleep, and stimulating your capacity to concentrate — especially as you pay attention to your new relationship.
After the initial stages of love, two hormones appear to play important roles in the development of long-term attachment: vasopressin and oxytocin. Research indicates that vasopressin, which is released after sex, promotes bonding and devotion. And oxytocin, the "intimacy hormone" released by both women and men during orgasms, also promotes bonding and deepens feelings of attachment, especially after sex. And your bond grows stronger, research shows, with each act. In your hormonal realm, as in so many others, sex connects; the more you love, the more love you make. As you continue a relationship, gradual physical changes take place in a part of your brain called the limbic system—the "emotional center," which develops throughout your infancy and childhood. Your limbic system helps you form attachments to others, and plays a role in your ability to find another person attractive and fall in love. During a long-term relationship, you become "limbically linked" to your partner; both of your limbic systems lay down new nerve cells, in effect shifting your brain's anatomy in response to interactions with one another over time.
Your capacity for limbic linkage explains, to some extent, the depth of emotion and commitment you can experience in a long-term relationship, and why you may feel at times as if your identity becomes entwined with your partner's. As Thomas Lewis, M.D., wrote about limbic connectivity in A General Theory of Love: "Who we are and who we become depends, in part, on whom we love." The force of limbic bonding is one reason why the loss of a long-term relationship can take years to recover from; the circuitry of your limbic system is without its "other half," which was formed for the specific person.
