Your "mind is the most powerful instrument in the universe." You can do practically anything you can set your mind to, and you can put your mind to practically anything. Your thoughts affect your feelings and behavior from one moment to the next, so at any moment you can change your thoughts and change your life. As Louise Hay wrote in Heal Your Body, "By changing our thinking patterns, we can change our experiences." Your conscious intentions and beliefs can shape your destiny, and you can choose happiness, health, beneficial relationships, love, and sexual fulfillment. The most important step you can take to enhance your sexuality is to consciously choose a set of thoughts and beliefs that will create, not negate, great sex - in short, a credo for your libido.
This is underpinned by an understanding of how your brain functions. One of its most amazing properties is plasticity - its ability to be malleable and changeable. By consciously changing the thoughts that dominate your life, you redirect your perceptions. Over time, this alters the neurochemicals released, and remodels your brain circuitry by creating new neural tracks and changing your very cells. By choosing new thoughts, you can thus “rewire” your brain, override old patterns of thinking and behavior, and ultimately transform your relationship to the world and to your sexual partner.
The key to choosing new, more health-affirming thoughts is becoming mindful of your current thinking patterns and choices and how they may be affecting your health, relationships, or sexuality. By increasing your awareness, you can discover areas where you may be unconsciously working against yourself — for example, with thoughts that sabotage your health or sabotage a relationship — and replace them with the thoughts you need to make better choices. As Wayne Dyer says in his book There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, it's just a matter of keeping your focus on what you want in your life: "If your thoughts are on what you don't want ... you will act on those thoughts and more of what you don't want will appear." If you simply keep your eyes on the prize, you're well on your way to achieving a great sex life. Let's look at some do-it-yourself methods you can use to clear your mind and get in touch with the life-changing potential of your thoughts to support a relationship or your sexuality:
Time for change: This means setting aside quiet time to calmly reflect on your life and examine your thought patterns. It's about using "mental floss" at least once a day to clear your mind of all the accumulated debris and distractions of advertisements, television, magazines, computers, e-mail, social media, and cell phones. By clearing away the mental chatter, and detaching from the potential negativity of anything that might trigger you emotionally, you can focus on whatever positive changes you want to generate for your health or your sex life.
Affirmations: You can use positive self-talk—words repeated aloud or in your mind—to rid yourself of negative thoughts and focus on your goals. Consistency is helpful; you need enough repetition over a period of time for the positive effects of affirmations to permeate your consciousness and create changes in your brain. Examples of affirmations include: I make choices that benefit me, I excel at reaching my goals, I take care of and nurture myself, I choose radiant health, I focus on the positive, and I achieve my dreams. Examples more directly related to your sexuality include: I fulfill my sexual nature, I am destined to achieve my ultimate sexual satisfaction, my body effortlessly manifests sexual pleasure, I love the expression of my sexual energy, a wonderful, loving relationship happens naturally to me, and I can choose whatever love and sexual fulfillment I choose. If you ever catch yourself having a self-deprecating thought, make a point to claim affirmations that correct it. You can also use affirmations at any other time, including when you’re stuck in traffic, or waiting for an appointment. They can be especially effective when you wake up in the morning, and your mind is like a blank canvas. One of my patients—who is not only a strong swimmer but also an exceptionally healthy, loving, and compassionate person—lived to be 90. It turns out that for many years, during her morning swims, she has said to herself, in rhythm with each stroke, I am strong, healthy, loving, kind.
Meditation: Many meditation techniques that focus on breathing can be calming and clarifying, and help you get in touch with your mind and spirit—and their potential to shape your health and sexuality. To begin, try this simple technique: For a few minutes each day, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and consciously inhale and exhale by expanding your belly to fill your chest and then expanding your chest to fill your upper lungs. Exhale slowly in the same order, first using your belly to push the air out of your lower lungs, then allowing your chest to push the air out of your upper lungs. You can extend this technique by imagining that you are exhaling life-giving, clear white light, and gray smoke, carrying away any negative thoughts in your body.
Like a journal: Expressing your thoughts in writing is another powerful way to heighten your awareness and focus your mind and spirit on any changes you are making for your health and sexuality. The act of physically spelling out your intentions on paper, with its unique reliance on your mind-hand connection, can effectively rewire the neural circuits in your brain, redirect your consciousness, and unlearn old thoughts. If you keep a journal, it's a good idea to make entries regularly. As with affirmations, you may find that writing first thing in the morning is particularly rewarding.
