If you find that you are not aroused enough to maintain an erection, it may not be your fault. It may be that you have not discovered the triggers that help you maintain your erection. Talking about your sex life with your partner is a great idea. You may not see it as a great idea at this moment. You may feel that you are failing her, or that you have some kind of blame to blame. The problem with being a man is that you expect things to happen and in this particular case, they did not.
Choose a time when you can sit down and talk to your partner. If she sees that you are concerned, she will be open to dialogue. Do not imply any blame at all, because even if she is not excited about sex, it has worked so far. Now that the problem is gone, changes need to be made to try to find a solution between the two of you. See how open she is. You may find that your partner is a lot more open than you think.
Sometimes maintaining an erection depends on the stimulation of the penis and the sexual position. There are certain positions that give the penis more stimulation than others. Talk about fantasies. Talk about the area of the penis that is most sensitive and let your experience play with this part of his anatomy. It is a great turn on to talk to him about his trigger points too, so that it is not just about you. Perhaps you have been through some rough times together and you can take these concerns to bed with you. Bedtime is the time to learn to switch off and focus on those things in that moment.
A particularly good sexual position to help a man stay firm and erect is a deep thrusting position commonly known as doggy fashion. This is because the woman can adjust her position to give more friction and it is this friction that helps the penis stay erect. This position is where the woman kneels and leans forward and the male straddles her from behind. This will follow foreplay and is a very good position for those whose erection is half erect, for whatever reason. It helps the man to be able to ejaculate and it also helps the woman to achieve a great deal of satisfaction because of the depth of the thrusts.
There may be things you have not discussed with your partner that are making your sex life impossible. For example, it may be hard for you to trigger those feelings of sexuality after going for a long time without any sexual activity. This being the case, learn to explore each other's bodies and learn what those triggers are. If they are never explored, how can you expect them to go off at the right time? Be caring and try to help your partner to discuss their fantasies. Maybe the reason you are experiencing dysfunction is because there is not enough stimulation between you. If you don't have foreplay, she is likely to become less receptive or dry, especially if over 60. Menopause may be what is preventing her from having sex and this rejection of your advances may be contributing to her inability to maintain an erection. In this case, there are lubricants you can use to improve the chances of sex for both of you.
Many men relapse. They don't discuss their fears. They don't discuss their vulnerabilities, and even if the dysfunction is temporary and a side effect of something else, men who don't enter into dialogue with their women may never discover the cause of that dysfunction, and both partners may be equally frustrated by the dysfunction that occurs. Let this be a cue for discussion, so that there can be a mutual understanding of all your trigger points and opening up her to new feelings that can bring back the ability to make love without the need for medical help.
Remember that you have a certain amount of things within your control that can help you. Cut out the drink. Cut down on smoking and try to keep relatively fit. People who are very tired at night tend not to think sexual thoughts but prefer to simply fall asleep. If you exercise regularly and keep yourself in good shape, it can come back permanently and your love life can be revived simply by taking action and doing something positive to help restore the body's flow and its fitness level.
This is not the end of the road. Of course there are therapy options, but the first stop should be to talk with your partner to try and improve things between you, to calm your fears and help him overcome his problems. You may be very surprised at how different you feel about making love, when your partner listens to your needs and is able to make love with you instead of just being there. Sex therapists teach people ways they can learn to be themselves by exploring each other's bodies and allowing for the fact that the bumpy road of life sometimes gets in the way of great sex.
